Baby yourself

Ever notice how attentive new mothers are to their babies?   Recently my friend Heather came over with her new daughter, Sasha.   The baby began to cry and Heather tried to figure out what was wrong.  Was Sasha tired?  Hungry?  In need of a diaper change?  Did she just need to be held?

Sasha was crying because she needed  comfort.  As I watched my friend hold and rock her child, I reflected how nice it would be if all people treated themselves with the same amount of interest and concern that they show for babies.    People who struggle with disordered eating often are hostile to their most basic needs, whether for food, sleep, love, connection,  or comfort.

Some mothers are not as attuned to their  kids as Heather is, and they use food to meet every need.  If the baby cries, she gets nursed or is given a bottle.  The baby may be tired, hungry, wet or just cranky, but the response is the same: she gets fed.

Imagine a baby's perspective.  The baby is tired and needs a nap, so she cries (because that's how babies communicate!).  Mom comes over right away, but instead of putting the baby down for a soothing rest, she provides a bottle.  The baby learns that her need for rest will be resolved with food.  She may even start to confuse her need for rest with hunger.  If this happens repeatedly, the baby can even start feeling hungry whens she's tired. 

Do you recognize and meet your needs for soothing, for connection, rest, and so forth?  Or are you hostile to those needs, angry at "giving in" to hunger or using food to comfort and distract from difficult, upsetting feelings?

What can you do differently to "baby" yourself?  Recognizing and validating your needs is an important first step.

What do you need more of in your life?  Connection?  Recognition?  Love?  Time?  Rest?

Your needs and wants require validation and attention, not  condemnation.

Baby yourself, today and every day!

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Legal Disclaimer:  The content on this site is for educational and informational purposes only.  It is not intended as psychotherapy or as a substitute for psychotherapy advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Ladder of Life

Think about life as a metaphorical ladder.    Are you scrambling to get to the next rung, always trying to get somewhere, to achieve something?

"When I lose weight, then I'll start dating."
"When I'm a size zero, I'll be perfect."
"When I finish grad school, my life will be great."
"When I get a new job, then I'll be happy."
"When I get a promotion, I'll feel good about myself."

Goals are great - but if you're always looking to the future, you're never really in the present.  If what you want is always in the future, you never have what you want.  Deprivation leads to emptiness, and people who feel empty may turn to food (or away from food) as a way of comforting, soothing, or distracting themselves.

As with so many things, balance is the key.  So, imagine standing on that ladder:

Look down the rungs and think about where you started, how far you've come.  Think about the experiences you've had since you started this climb, of the personal growth and change that's brought you to this rung of your ladder.  Take a moment to appreciate this progress, whether it's progress in recovery from disordered eating or your evolution as a person.

What were you afraid of back at the bottom rung?  What's different now?  How have you changed the way you face those fears or anxieties?   What do you notice about the difference between the past and the present?

Now think about the rung you're standing upon.   Look at yourself, your life, your relationships, the things about yourself and your life that you appreciate. Take in the moment... breathe... take measure of your present, both the things you like and those you don't like... hold both.

A famous quote is, "Yesterday is history, tomorrow is a mystery, today is a gift.  That's why it's called the present."

What do you like about yourself?  What do you appreciate about yourself and your life?

If you can balance appreciating your progress from the past, looking towards the future and what you hope to achieve, with being where you are - in the  moment - you'll probably feel better.   You don't need to turn to disordered eating (or other things) to cope, if you feel good.

Making peace with yourself leads to making peace with food.

Comments and questions are welcome.  Please share on Facebook and/or Twitter so more people can benefit from the information on this blog.

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Legal Disclaimer:  The content on this site is for educational and informational purposes only.  It is not intended as psychotherapy or as a substitute for psychotherapy advice, diagnosis or treatment.