Take a deep breath!

WHAT IS YOUR OXYGEN?

Have you taken a plane lately? Flight attendants always tell passengers, “Parents, if you are traveling with your children and the oxygen masks drop, place a mask over yourself first, before attending to your children.”  

If you give your oxygen away, you’re of no use to others (and you are likely to suffocate).  This can be understood as a metaphor about meeting your own needs, versus taking care of others.  

When you are deprived of basic emotional needs, such as love, connection, understanding and comfort, you may turn to food to symbolically meet those needs.  Alternately, you may turn away from food as a way of expressing how deprived you feel.

What is your “oxygen?”

What are you depriving yourself of (but giving away to others)?

What do you need more of in your life?

How do you make yourself available to others?

Do you let others take care of you?  If so, what does that stir up in you?   If not, what stops you?

When you were growing up, what were you taught about self-sacrifice?  (ie, was it noble?)

What is the difference between being selfish and practicing self-care?

Comments and questions are welcome.  Please share on Facebook and/or Twitter so more people can benefit from the information on this blog.

"Like" me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter

Legal Disclaimer:  The content on this site is for educational and informational purposes only.  It is not intended as psychotherapy or as a substitute for psychotherapy advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Me, Myself & I

ME, MYSELF & I

 

Do any of the following sentences sound familiar?

“The whole time I was eating those cookies, I was telling myself, ‘You’re disgusting, you’ve got no willpower, and you make me sick.’”

“I made myself run five extra miles.  I was like, ‘We can do it, we can make it.’”

“Sometimes I just can’t stand myself.”

Who is “I”?  Which part of you is “myself”?  What about  “me” or “we?”

How you speak to yourself reveals a lot about your relationship to different aspects of yourself.    Although each person’s internal dynamics are slightly different, there are usually three basic parts: the Self, the Critic, and the Soother/Supporter.

The “Self” refers to the part of you that has needs, wants, wishes, emotions and conflicts.  When you say, “I was feeling mad/sad/glad/afraid” that’s your “Self” talking.   

The “Critic” informs you of all your perceived transgressions.  It is relentlessly critical and able to find fault.  When you refer to yourself in the second person, it’s usually the critic talking.  

Does your internal critic remind you of anyone you know?  Who spoke to you in that way?

The “Soother/Supporter” is the part that can be calm, understanding, and supportive.   Often, that’s the part that can show up for other people, but not for you. 

How do you express support for others?   What if you spoke that way to yourself?

Ideally, when you have a need, wish, emotion or conflict, you respond with comforting or soothing words.  For many people who struggle with disordered eating, when the “I” expresses a need, wish, or emotion, the “critic” attacks. In the absence of a nurturing response to pain, you are more likely to turn to food for comfort, or distraction.  That in turn leads the critic to judge you (“How could you have eaten that?” or “You failed!”), and the cycle continues. 

When you respond to yourself in a soothing way, instead of criticizing or attacking yourself, you will be less likely to turn to (or from) food to deal with difficult emotions.

Comments and questions are welcome.  Please share on Facebook and/or Twitter so more people can benefit from the information on this blog.

"Like" me on Facebook and follow me on Twitter

Legal Disclaimer:  The content on this site is for educational and informational purposes only.  It is not intended as psychotherapy or as a substitute for psychotherapy advice, diagnosis or treatment.