Out of control?

FEELING OUT OF CONTROL?

“I was totally out of control with ice cream last week.”

“I didn’t eat anything all day and felt completely in control.”

“I hate getting mad because I feel so out of control.”

If you are struggling with disordered eating, the very thing you are trying to control (food, weight, and so forth) is actually controlling you.

Often, controlling food is a response to feelings of powerlessness in other areas of your life.   It’s easier to focus on your intake of food or your weight than to deal with an unpredictable boss, teacher, significant other or friend.  The wish to manage a person or situation morphs into a wish to control your food.  You can’t control a person but you can ostensibly control yourself, turning a relational struggle into an internal conflict.

Control is also a way of protecting yourself from feelings of vulnerability. Being vulnerable is often experienced as being unprotected from potential (or probable) emotional pain.   Taking control feels active and is a solution to the passivity of vulnerability.

Conflicts with food may symbolize conflicts about wanting or needing “more” in life.  Controlling your portions can be a way of denying your needs and wants for more.  Bingeing and purging may be a way of expressing your conflict over a wish for more.

Food for thought:

What parts of your life make you feel powerless?  Powerful?

Who is (or was) the most controlling person in your life?

What do you associate with weakness?

What are you afraid will happen if you lose control of your emotions?

Have you ever “lost it” emotionally?  What were the consequences? 

What are your fears about opening up to other people?

Where did you learn to be guarded?

What do you want more of in your life?

Comments and questions are welcome.  Please share on Facebook and/or Twitter so more people can benefit from the information on this blog.

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Legal Disclaimer:  The content on this site is for educational and informational purposes only.  It is not intended as psychotherapy or as a substitute for psychotherapy advice, diagnosis or treatment.

Boredom, Loneliness & Emptiness

BORDOM, LONELINESS & EMPTINESS

BOREDOM is about wanting to do something.  The way to alleviate boredom is to do an activity and be active and productive.  However, over-reliance on busyness and productivity can be unhelpful if it keeps you from connecting with your thoughts and feelings.

LONELINESS is about wanting to be with someone.  The solution to loneliness is to be with another person or people and feel connected. 

EMPTINESS is about disconnecting from yourself, from what you are experiencing inside. 

Sometimes people feel bored when they are really lonely or feeling cut off from themselves.   This can register as emptiness or even manifest as physical hunger.   If you’re lonely, you might fill up on food as a way of filling the symbolic emptiness inside. 

If you struggle with bulimia, you may purge the food as a way of getting rid of your need for others, or for connection. 

If you restrict, you may deny food as a way of denying your need for other people. is also a strategy to deal with this loneliness and emptiness, as is keeping busy. 

Some questions to keep in mind:

Do you turn to (or from) food instead of to people?

What experiences have made you afraid to seek out or trust people?

Does thinking about food give you something to “do” and distract you from your internal world?

What would be most fulfilling to you right now?

When you’re alone, what feelings are most uncomfortable?

How did you deal with these feelings as a child?

How did your family manage being busy or being alone or being reflective?

Comments and questions are welcome.  Please share on Facebook and/or Twitter so more people can benefit from the information on this blog.

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Legal Disclaimer:  The content on this site is for educational and informational purposes only.  It is not intended as psychotherapy or as a substitute for psychotherapy advice, diagnosis or treatment.