Friday, March 29, 2013

Teaching Kids To Be Body Proud (Part Two)


Recently I was interviewed by 2hautechicks about kids, food, and disordered eating.  Here's Part Two of the interview.  Check out their blog, a forum for fashion savvy working moms!  

Teaching Our Kids to be Confident, No Matter What Size They Are! (Part Two)

Continuing our conversation with Dr. Nina ….
2hautechicks: If we think that our kids are suffering from an eating disorder, what should we say to them? What steps should we take to treat these disorders?
Dr. Nina: Communication is everything!  If you suspect your child is suffering from an eating disorder, or engaging in disordered behavior with food, talk to him or her about your concerns.

Don’t bring up their appearance or say anything that might feel shaming.  I suggest saying something along the lines of:
“I notice that your eating habits have changed, lately.  I’m worried about your health and your happiness.  Can you talk to me about what’s going on?”
“I’m concerned about you, because you’re not eating much, these days.”
Make sure the focus is on YOUR concern about your child’s well-being, rather than on their behavior with food.
Don’t try to deal with this issue yourself.  Seek professional help for your child and family from someone with expertise and experience in disordered eating.

Emphasize that therapy is about getting support and understanding.  If your child thinks of therapy as punishment, help her (or him) have a more positive attitude by gently pointing out the supportive nature of therapy.
2hautechicks: What are the most important things we can do or say in order to make our kids have a positive body image and not worry about their weight or size?
Dr. Nina: As parents we need to be very aware of the messages we send to their kids.  Comments about our own weight, or that of other people (even if it’s positive), can give the covert message that a person has to look a certain way to be acceptable.
We live in a very body-conscious society, especially here in Southern California.  It’s important to bolster the confidence of the whole person, and not focus so much on appearance.
We all have different aspects of ourselves – body, emotions, mind.  Make sure that you acknowledge all parts of your children.  Praise them for being kind people.  Acknowledge their efforts, not just their achievements (ie, good grades).  When children feel good about themselves, when they have a healthy sense of self-esteem, they will be less vulnerable to disordered eating.
2hautechicks: Thank you for all of the advice! We like to end our “Haute Spotlight” with a few fun questions.  What are your top five “must have” beauty products?
Dr. Nina:  #1 – Top of the list is a BB cream.  I’m a busy mom and time is of the essence, so a product that is a sunscreen and anti-ager in one is my idea of a dream product!!

#2 – Mascara!!  Fabulous lashes are… well, fabulous!  I love the Lancome mascaras, which always give me long, dark lashes.  And eyes are the windows of the soul :)

#3 – Lipgloss.  Nars Dolce Vita.  It’s the best!

#4 – Kiss Press-On Nails.  I don’t have time to get manicures as much as I’d like (okay, I almost never have time to get a mani-pedi, darn!) and these are my secret weapon.

They give you perfect nails in about two minutes! #5 – A smile.  I think a smile and a good attitude makes everyone look better :)
2hautechicks: If you could describe your work dress style in one word, what would it be? What one word would you use to describe your off-duty, non-work style?
Dr. Nina:  My work clothes are definitely stylish!   I like clothes that are a bit classic and a bit funky at the same time.   I’m not into labels and like to mix really great shoes (love my Louboutin booties) with fun outfits from Forever 21 or some tiny boutique in New York, where I find great clothes that are good for my professional style.
Off duty, I’m pretty eclectic.  On the weekends I usually wear skinny jeans with a cute top of some kind and fabulous shoes or boots.   I think shoes and bags make almost every outfit go from fine to fabulous!
2hautechicks: Thanks for everything, Dr. Nina and we hope to talk to you soon!


Here's some information about the 2hautechicks in their own words:

Two Women Who Wear Many (Fabulous) Hats

I’d like to pretend that the idea for this blog came about in a flash of inspiration, an “ah-ha” moment.  Really, this blog was born after one of our countless conversations about the Kardashians, or our latest fashion obsession, or our latest work challenge, or our general complaints about being sleep deprived from chasing after our kids.  We realized that we could be the voice for 30-something women who juggle careers, kids, husbands and homes… all while looking fabulous.  Think of us as the Generation X answer to the Generation Y chicks on “Girls.”  We are older (just a tad), wiser (infinitely so) and much more fashion forward (thank God!).

We met during our first year at UCLA law school.  Three years of law school, more years at law firms than we care to admit, countless glasses of wine, many shopping excursions, two weddings and three kids later … here we are!  We think (and hope) that women of all ages will read our blog and find a shared experience, a forum for discussing the things that are most important to women.  We promise to write with brutal honesty, we can’t promise not to over share (!), and we hope you will share in our laughter – and our tears – as we embark on this adventure together.

Check them out at www.2hautechickss.com


Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Teaching Kids To Be Confident, No Matter What Size They Are!


Recently I was interviewed by 2hautechicks about kids, food, and disordered eating.  Here's Part One of the interview.  Check out their blog, a forum for fashion savvy working moms!  


Teaching Our Kids to be Confident, No Matter What Size They Are!

Part I
 (This is part one of a two-part series. Stay tuned for part two tomorrow!)
We are inundated daily with images of stick-thin men and women on television, in films and in magazines.  We’re taught that you can never be “too rich or too thin.”  We can be obsessive about weighing ourselves religiously, starting new diets daily and judging ourselves by our clothing size.
As parents of young boys and girls, we battle with the reality that kids are becoming more weight-conscious and size-conscious at younger and younger ages, and that five year old kids now call each other “fat” on the playground.  The questions are: how do we instill confidence in our kids, no matter what size they are (or will grow to be) and how do we prevent (or treat) eating disorders in our children?
For answers to these questions, we turned to Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin, Psy.D., a psychoanalyst who specializes in the treatment of eating disorders.
2hautechicks:  Thanks, Dr. Nina, for addressing these tough issues for our readers.  As a mom and psychoanalyst, have you noticed a trend that kids are becoming more body conscious and weight conscious at younger ages? Why do you think that is happening?
Dr. Nina: There are a lot of reasons that kids are becoming more body and weight conscious at earlier ages.  Certainly the media has some part in this, since kids are saturated with images of skinny models.  However, many boys develop eating disorders and they aren’t impacted by these kinds of glossy magazines.   While the media can influence people’s self-esteem, I don’t believe it’s directly responsible for eating disorders.
Ultimately, whatever goes on with food is usually a “symptom” of the problem, even though it feels like “the” problem.  If your child has gained weight, or is restricting or bingeing and purging, there’s something going on inside that is leading to the behavior.
I believe that another reason for the rising prevalence of disordered eating in our culture is that eating disorders are on some level about feelings, and we live in a society that disparages emotions.  Angry?  You need an anger management class.  Depressed?  Take a pill.  Happy?  Oh, you might be manic.  When people, including children, don’t have a way of expressing their feelings, they may turn to (or away from) food as a way to deal with those emotions.
2hautechicks:  As parents, what can we do if our kids start complaining about being “fat” or overweight, or if we notice our kids starting to diet to lose weight?
Dr. Nina: If your kids make derogatory comments about their weight, it’s important to talk about what’s bothering  them .  Ask your child what makes him or her feel that there’s something wrong with their appearance.  Separate legitimate health concerns (ie, a kid on the track team who wants to be more fit in order to run faster) from emotional conflicts that are expressed as weight concerns.
I tell people that “fat” is a substance, not a feeling.  If your child is feeling “fat” it’s important to identify what that is code for – are they upset, sad, scared, lonely?
If you notice that your child has gained or lost weight or if he or she complains about being overweight, it’s very important not to be the food police or make “helpful” comments about portions.  It’s helpful to explore the underlying causes of the behavior.  One way to do this is to ask, “If you couldn’t talk about your weight or your body, what would be on your mind?  What would you be worried about?”
Again, whatever is happening with food is not the real issue; you need to find ways to get to the underlying causes that lead to disordered eating.
By the way, my podcast episode “What NOT To Say”  addresses this very question more depth.
2hautechicks: What are some of the signs that our kids have an eating disorder? What should we be on the lookout for?
Dr. Nina: Good question!  Warning signs of an eating disorder include:
*Sudden vegetarianism
*Food disappearing at a faster-than-normal rate, and elaborate excuses to explain the disappearance of food, such as explaining that the food went bad, fell on the floor, etc., and had to be thrown out.
*Frequent statements such as, “I’m not hungry” or “I just ate”
*Going to the bathroom after every meal
*Frequent complaints of stomach problems (laxative abuse is a common method of purging)
*Rapid weight loss or weight gain
*Focus or fixation on body image and clothing size, and comparisons to others
*Excessive exercise
*Withdrawal from friends and family, increased isolation
*Moodiness and an insistence that nothing is wrong
Those who struggle with disordered eating (girls, boys, women and men) may deny that they have a problem or get defensive if others express concerns about their eating habits or their weight.
If they admit there’s a problem, they may still be resistant to change.  Disordered eating serves a purpose – usually as a way of dealing with difficult feelings or conflicts – and it’s hard to give up a way of coping, even if that coping mechanism hurts more than it helps.  When people learn to cope in different ways, they can give up the behavior with food.
-----------------------------------------------------
Here's some information about the 2hautechicks in their own words:

Two Women Who Wear Many (Fabulous) Hats

I’d like to pretend that the idea for this blog came about in a flash of inspiration, an “ah-ha” moment.  Really, this blog was born after one of our countless conversations about the Kardashians, or our latest fashion obsession, or our latest work challenge, or our general complaints about being sleep deprived from chasing after our kids.  We realized that we could be the voice for 30-something women who juggle careers, kids, husbands and homes… all while looking fabulous.  Think of us as the Generation X answer to the Generation Y chicks on “Girls.”  We are older (just a tad), wiser (infinitely so) and much more fashion forward (thank God!).

We met during our first year at UCLA law school.  Three years of law school, more years at law firms than we care to admit, countless glasses of wine, many shopping excursions, two weddings and three kids later … here we are!  We think (and hope) that women of all ages will read our blog and find a shared experience, a forum for discussing the things that are most important to women.  We promise to write with brutal honesty, we can’t promise not to over share (!), and we hope you will share in our laughter – and our tears – as we embark on this adventure together.

Check them out at www.2hautechickss.com

t.









Friday, March 22, 2013

The Present




Do you often look to the future, imagining that when you are at your ideal weight, your life will be easier, happier, or perfect?   For example, “When I lose weight, I’ll find a boyfriend (or girlfriend).”  “When I stop bingeing, I’ll be more confident and social.”  

If this is familiar, you may be too focused on your weight to define yourself, giving a number on the scale too much power over your happiness and confidence.   Overly investing in your physicality as the determining factor in self-acceptance makes it difficult to appreciate the other qualities that make you loveable and likeable.    

Think of a vivid memory from the past.   How did it impact you?  What have you learned about yourself since then?   How have you changed?  


Imagine your future. What would you like to happen in the next week, month, year, five years, or decade?  (not weight-related)


Now, think of today.  What do you appreciate about yourself, in the here and now?  What qualities are likeable?  Lovable?  Interesting?   Are you a good friend?  Talented?  Funny?  Tenacious?  Smart?  Compassionate? Spirited?  Helpful?  Adventurous?  Loving?  

These are the qualities that define you, not the number on the scale.
Remembering this is a present you can give to yourself daily.


Tuesday, March 19, 2013

What Do You Want To Lose?


Check out this episode!

Do you imagine that when you lose weight, life will be better?   Whether you want to lose 10, 20, 50, 100 pounds or more, you may have some ideas that are weighing you down.  

In this episode, Dr. Nina explores what the number on the scale means to you and how it impacts your self-esteem.  By gaining confidence, you'll feel better and develop a healthier, happier relationship to food.


Friday, March 8, 2013

Stay out of your head (and the fridge)


Check out this episode!

Are you trying to think away your emotions? 

Many people use logic to try to talk themselves out of their anger, sadness, fear, anxiety and/or guilt. Problem is, what you know intellectually doesn’t affect what you feel emotionally. 

This episode helps you stop thinking and start feeling, so you’re less likely to turn to food when you're upset.