How To Survive Thanksgiving

Thanksgiving (or, National Binge Day) can be difficult if you're struggling with food, weight and body image issues.  Dr. Nina provides some tips and strategies for how to survive Thanksgiving without losing control, or losing your mind!

The media celebrates Thanksgiving as the beginning of the holiday season.  Commercials and advertisements make it seem as if every family in the world is happy, loving, close (and Caucasian), gathering over a table loaded with turkey and all the trimmings, grateful for their wonderful lives. For many people, this scenario is a complete fantasy, not even close to reality.

Thanksgiving (sometimes known as “National Binge Day”) is also a time when people are expected to eat until they are in a stupor, and it’s even considered bad manners not to taste everything on the table. If you struggle with disordered eating, this can be extremely challenging.

SURVIVAL TIPS:

Be a social anthropologist.  When you’re watching and observing, you’re not a participant.  You’re not “in” it when you’ve got some distance.  That distance can be very illuminating. 

When you hear your mom or dad or grandparents criticize your sister or brother or cousin, you can see more clearly how you learned to criticize yourself. 

When you realize that your mother apologizes for every bite she eats, you’ll recognize how you learned to feel guilty for every bite you take.

Access your inner Oprah or Ellen or Barbara Walters. When you’re asking questions, you’re not defending yourself, or explaining or justifying anything.  Ask your family to talk about themselves; that’s probably something they love to do, and if they’re talking about themselves, they’re not criticizing, judging, and commenting about you.  Ask yourself questions, too:

*What is the most difficult part of Thanksgiving?  Food?  Family?  Lack of family?

*What do you like about the holiday season?

*What helps during this time?

*What doesn’t help?

*What are the emotional triggers?

Identify the emotional triggers.  If you think you’re triggered by food, maybe you’re actually being triggered by an emotional need. If you find yourself thinking about filling foods such as mashed potatoes or stuffing, perhaps you are lonely and seeking to fill an internal emptiness. 

If you are drawn to pumpkin pie and sweets, maybe you need more comfort/sweetness in your life. 

If you can’t get enough chips or pretzels, could be that you’re angry.

If you find yourself turning against food, it’s possible that you are denying your needs – not just for food, but your human need for connection, love, and friendship.

Be grateful:  Think of one thing you appreciate; whether it’s a person or a situation, hanging onto one good thing can shed light in the darkness and keep you going through the holiday season.

Check out this episode!

Is It Hard To Say "No"?

Is It Hard To Say “No”?

Do you often agree to do things you don’t want to do?  Do you give in too easily?  Say "yes" when you really want to say "no"?  Here are some common reasons for why it might be difficult for you to say no:

Feeling guilty – as if somehow it’s wrong to choose what's right for you if it conflicts with someone else's wishes or needs.

Feeling greedy – as if it’s greedy to want what you want if someone else wants something different.

Not wanting to come off as difficult – as if saying no makes you difficult and cranky and too much trouble.

Not wanting want to upset anyone – as if you’re responsible for the feelings of others.

Afraid to hurt someone’s feelings – as if what the other person wants, thinks or feels is more important than what you want, think or feel.

That’s related to fear of rejection – as if people won’t like you or want to be your friend if you disappoint them.

Fear of retaliation – as if people will reject/hurt/abandon you if you displease them.

If you say “yes” when you really want to say “no” then you probably feel some resentment, anxiety, or some kind of emotional reaction.   If you don’t express those emotions in words, you’re likely to do so in action: 

*Turning to food for comfort or distraction 

*Bingeing and purging as a way of symbolically ridding yourself of your emotions.

*Restricting as a symbolic way to deny that you feel anything.

*Getting upset at yourself for your weight 

Disordered eating and focusing on weight and body image is a distraction from and an enactment of, these feelings of anxiety, resentment guilt and more.  The answer is to say “no” when people ask you to do something you don’t want to do.  Easier said than done, so here are some guidelines for how to speak up for your truth.

Step One: acknowledge their need or request:  "I know you really need my help, or you'd like me to do this for you or with you…"

Step Two: set the limit.  “...But that doesn't work for me."

Don’t apologize, don’t make excuses, don’t justify or explain.    Do set limits.  And when appropriate, offer alternate suggestions.

If someone asks to borrow money, say, “I understand you’re in a tough place right now, but I make it a rule not to lend money to friends.”  That way it’s not personal; you’re not denying your friend in particular; this is your rule, these are your boundaries that pertain to everyone. 

If someone asks you to babysit their kids and you don’t want to do so, say, “I get that you need some help, but that doesn’t work for me.  Have you asked if so-and-so is available?

  

If you feel mean or guilty when you turn someone down, or you’re afraid that you’re going to hurt their feelings or they’ll be mad at you, that’s a sign that you’re not valuing your time, your money, your likes and dislikes.   When you devalue yourself, it feels bad, and when you feel bad, you’re more likely to turn to (or from) food for comfort and distraction.

Give yourself the right to have rights – the right to choose yourself in the context of self-care, the right to make your needs and wants just as important as those of other people, the right to set boundaries.

When you are comfortable with those rights, you won’t use food for comfort or distraction.  

And that's how you make peace with food!

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https://winthedietwar.com/kick-the-diet-habit-now/

Why Diets Don't Work

How many times have you started a new diet? 

Maybe it’s the same diet over and over or maybe you’re always trying a new one. You might be wondering why it’s so hard to stay on a diet, any diet. 



In this episode, Dr. Nina explains why diets don’t work and offers suggestions on what does work."

Check out this episode!